Saturday, January 29, 2005

The Crushing of Janet

I am on a quest. A quest for positive thought. It seems I spend a good portion of each day
worrying about calamities that are utterly and most completely out of my control. I've decided enough is enough I can't deal with all the crazy thoughts anymore. It is exhausting. I have no interest in in taking pills, so I am constantly looking for alternatives.

To give an idea of what I'm dealing with, here's an sampling of random thoughts for you.

Let's see.....Well, I'm fairly certain that as I sit here typing this entry, somewhere in my house an electrical wire is sputtering sparks behind a wall that is made of 120 year old brittle wood and insulated with old newspapers. I'm waiting for it to burst into flames at any moment.

And I am even more certain, that every single morning when I walk out the door to go to work (clutching my purse tightly so no one can snatch it from me) I have left the door unlocked and the gas stove flaming with a bottle of paint thinner sitting next to it.

See what I mean?
Crazy isn't it?

All of my friends and co-workers know this about me and instead of trying to change me, they play along because it's easier that way. For example, when it's time to leave for dinner reservations, they say, "What lamps do you want me to unplug tonight?" or "I'll count with you when you quadruple-check the dead bolt so we'll be sure it's locked when we get to the restaurant." Instead of saying, "Come on whack-job, we're going to be late."

I have no idea why I am like this. My parents did not instill this fear into me. They rarely lock the doors of their house. My Mom will leave her purse unattended in the grocery store and walk 20 feet away from it, without even a hint of worry that someone may snatch it. And would you believe that this Christmas, my folks actually had a glass pickle jar, full of dried leaves and potpourri with a string of electric christmas lights twinkling away inside it?! Plugged into the wall....Tempting the fire gods.... For two solid days...... Oh my. Mom explained that the lights warm the potpourri and make it smell extra wonderful. Whose logic is crazy on that one? Basically, that was a formal invitation for the fire trucks, as far as I am concerned.

Anywho, I digress. The point is that I have decided that I am very sick of all this worry and I want to change my way of thinking.

Now, enter Janet Brank. Janet is a customer of mine at the Museum where I work. I don't know her that well, but I know she is a massage therapist and reiki master. She also is a firm believer in pyramid power and the teachings of Dr. Fred Bell.

This week when she came into the gallery, we started talking about a necklace she was wearing. It was an amulet of sorts, with a purple stone and a series of pyramids in a spiral pattern. It was beautiful but served a specific purpose. It attracts and amplifies positive energy . The very thing I am on a quest for. Even better than that, she explained to me that thinking good things will happen to you will actually make them happen. What a simply brilliant new philosophy for me to practice.

So as we continued on, talking of pyramids, I shared the fact that my grandfather also had done some reading and even experimentation on the subject. We discussed the unlimited potential of practicing this philosophy for quite a while. I was feeling enlightened. She was excited by my overwhelming enthusaism. I felt almost as if I had been transformed by the conversation itself. Positive thinking wasn't that hard after all. Wow. And to think, after all this time, it was that simple.

It was at this point, she told me that she even sleeps under a large pyramid to gain the full effects of her practice.

Apparently my capacity for positive thought had quickly reached it's limit as the conversation quickly took an abrupt turn in the opposite direction.

"So, you have a pyramid hanging from the ceiling over your bed?"
"Yes, it's a wonderful tool."
"What is it made of?"
"It's solid copper sheeting, with a metal frame. About the width of the bed."
"Hanging above your bed?"
"Yes, it is quite lovely. We suspended it with large chains. It is very sculptural."
"Copper and metal hanging with chains above your head as you sleep?"
"Oh wow. Are you ever afraid it might fall on you as you sleep?"
A long pause followed.
"" She stammered. She was stunned. Her mouth was slightly agape.
Suddenly I realized what I had just done. Slightly amused at myself I looked away and pretended to make eye contact with another customer.

"No, it has never crossed my mind that it might fall on me. But thanks for the transference of negativity."
Embarrassed, I replied, "You're welcome."

Strange and awkward attempts of humor took place for only a moment.

"Well, good to see you , Janet. Thanks for coming in."
"Yes." She replied. " Always a pleasure."

And that was that. She was visibly disappointed that the past 30 minutes of her one-on-one, direct teacher-pupil, crash-course in positive thinking didn't seem to have even the slightest effect on me. I felt bad for her. As I had a little giggle to myself and watched her walk away, I think I heard her muttering something about "whack job" and then she was gone.

Oh well. The quest continues. Stay tuned.


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Sunday, 30 January, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anessa, it’s your cousin, Sara. I have a suggestion for you about confronting your obsessions about safety and the compulsions that you use to cope with the anxiety. Find a therapist who utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It has been proven quite effective for issues like yours and it is usually brief treatment. The basic idea is that you have an error in your thinking and bothersome behaviors related to your thinking. A little work on your thinking and practicing some new behaviors might help. Anyway, it's just a suggestion. I miss you guys and hope all is well. I love your blog; I feel like I'm much more in touch with you. Love, Sara

Wednesday, 02 February, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you don't freak out when I fire up the fireplace during the holidays....We have not cleaned the chimney sine we bougth the house 34 years ago! Dad

Friday, 04 February, 2005  
Blogger anessa said...

Thanks Sara-- I'll read up on that---glad you like the blog,
and Dad--- for some reason I don't worry about the fireplace so much. Maybe because it feels so good and how'd you find out about my blog? That was a nice surprise!

Friday, 04 February, 2005  
Blogger digitalcowgirl said...

What would happen to all the stories I tell of my fabulous freaky friends if they all behaved "normal"? If it bothers you, I guess you could seek to change it--or just embrace your nature, make fun of it and maybe you won't start to take it so seriously after a while... Eh, what the hell do i know? my entire knowledge of all things psychological comes from The Sopranos. Anyway, your story cracked me up and I'm digging your blog.

Friday, 04 February, 2005  

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