Monday, September 26, 2005

Time Heals all Things.... Even the Jiggles.

As you guys may know, Mark and I have been on a health kick for the last 3 months or so.
Running on the treadmill and watching what we eat during the week.
Due to our new lifestyle, Mark has lost about 20 lbs and I have lost 7.5.
Needless to say, we are feeling very good about our new slimmer bodies, and are wondering how we failed to realize how out of shape we were only a few months ago.

This bit of weight loss reflection reminds me of another time we decided to go on a diet. Back when we were much skinnier than we are today. Mark will kill me when he reads this, but here goes...


Morning has broken and it is a glorious Saturday morning on Bayly Avenue in 1995.
Mark and I crawl out of bed and get our day started. After a few half-zombied minutes of fumbling around with hairbrushes and toothbrushes Mark is ready to get the party started.

Mark: (In an awesome mood) Hey Hon, I'm going to run down to the coffee shop and buy a newspaper and a coffee. What can I get you?

Me: (Yelling from the upstairs bathroom) Thanks honey--- Would you get me an iced coffee and a chocolate chip brownie, please?

Mark: (Standing at the front door, beaming) Man, it's GORGEOUS outside....
Hurry up and get dressed and lets do something fun....it's going to be a great day!

Me: (Me looking down the steps at him and slipping on my favorite blue t-shirt) Alright, happy boy--- Will do!

Mark: (Checks his pockets for change and walks out the door) See you in a few...**smile**

Me: (Feeling lucky to have married such an enthusiastic man) Bye... **smile**

I look from the bedroom window and chuckle to myself. Mark is so elated on this particular morning he is practically skipping down the street. I continue getting prepared for our big fun-filled day and about 15 minutes later I see Mark walking back up the street...but how something's changed.
He is now obviously sullen and downtrodden.
My happy boy has vanished.

Me: (Concerned, I rush to the front porch and fling open the door) Honey, why the long face? What's up. What happened.

Mark: (Shakes off my question) Nothing.

Me: What? You were practically skipping a minute ago....really, what happened?

Mark: (He plops down on the couch defeated, quiet and frowning) Look, I said nothing. Here's your coffee and the Arts Section.

Me: (Miffed) Whatever, if you don't tell me what happened I'm not going to do anything fun with you today.

Mark: (A few minutes pass and the happy Mark we all know starts to resurface) Well....first off, I was not skipping...let's get that straight.
And I really don't really want to tell you...but...
(he pauses for a long moment, looks as me doubtfully, and wonders if he should proceed...
luckily for you, my dear readers, he does)
Well, I was walking down the street and I was very happy. It's beautiful out there today, you know...

Me: Yes, I know, I watched you from the window you were skipping.

Mark: (In full denial of the skipping accusation) Hey now...I may have had an extra spring in my step, but I certainly was not skipping.
I do not skip.
Anyway, I was almost to the coffee shop.
I was just walking, enjoying myself, feeling good, feeling alive....
that's when I realized I was.......
well.....
I was...... jiggling.

Me: (Amused) What? What was jiggling, honey?

Mark: (Staring down at the sports page...mumbles) My chest.

Me: What, baby? Your chest? Your chest was jiggling?

Mark: (Having become quite impatient with my questioning, he comes clean with the whole story)
Okay, you want me to say it? Fine!
MY BREASTS! My breasts were jiggling!
I have grown fat and now I have MAN BOOBS!
Are you happy now? Ugh!
It ruined my walk.

silence for a very short moment and then I bust into laughter that will last a decade or more...

Me: (I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face) Mark, honey, come on now...
You DO NOT have man boobs. Honey, really..... you are one fine, handsome man...
It was just probably skin jiggling from your....er.... skipping.

Mark: Oh, just drop it. Quit being smart. I shouldn't have told you.

So I tried to stop laughing and drop it.
I tried so very, very, very hard to drop it because I could see it had really sent him for a spin.
He was upset and now I was making him mad.
I could see it...and I should have been a more sympathetic wife.

Unfortunately, being a highly visual person I could not shake the image of that moment.
The image of the moment our happy boy noticed his jiggling breasts...
The exact moment his jubilant skip turned into a downtrodden trudge.
The very unlucky, yet humorous, moment his comedy turned to tragedy.

What a curious sight that might have been to onlookers.

Now, many years later, it is absurd to think that we thought we were over-weight and jiggly back then.
Funny how time brings tolerance and acceptance with one's body.

In conclusion, I should mention,
Mark never has had MAN BOOBS in his life...
and although I have seen him skip, he DOES NOT SKIP.

Just a funny bit of dramatica that took place,
on a beautiful day,
many years ago...

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have fought the jiggles for many years..they can be very deflating, but they can be deflated...Dad

Monday, 26 September, 2005  
Anonymous Donna Maria said...

I've been fighting the jiggles since 5th grade. I can't believe some women buy these damn things.

Tuesday, 27 September, 2005  
Blogger Lori-Lyn said...

Aw...that's very funny. I'm proud of you guys and your transformations! I'm jiggling right now. My face. My face is jiggling. (That's bad.)

Tuesday, 27 September, 2005  
Blogger Mags said...

Seth and I jiggle all the time! Love you guys!
I could read your stories for HOURS! You are an excellent writer! I think I figured out how to link to you if that's ok!

Thursday, 29 September, 2005  
Blogger anessa said...

Of course you can link to me...and I will add you, as well!
Glad you like the the stories...what a wonderful thing to say. : )

Friday, 30 September, 2005  

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