Friday, April 08, 2005

Did I just quote Skynard?

My head is, again, full of crazy ideas and my soul is restless for adventure and change.

I think maybe this is a cyclical disorder that I have always been stricken with.
Quite possibly from the moment I hit this earthly atmosphere.

The need to see, and do, and socialize, experience new spaces, and have new adventures, is ever-present and always tugging at my shirt tail. Sometimes it's more pronounced, but it happens without fail, at least a few times every year.

Year, after year, after year, especially when the seasons change, you can pretty much see me mentally packing my bags and constructing our next tour.
It's like I wake up one morning and suddenly feel the irresistible desire to stir the dust up again in my life and rebuild things from square one.

Neither one of us like to let the dust settle for long. I think that's why we move so often.

Mark grew up moving and traveling so he somewhat enjoys our nomadic lifestyle.
He's always up for the next adventure. He's my partner in crime and in love.
This ever changing scenery has not seemingly put a strain on our relationship.
Actually, after 11 years of marriage, I think the moving and starting over has brought us closer together each time if nothing else.

I'm 90% sure I'm happy in my life this way. I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression.
I'm not tortured by this affliction. In fact, I chase it, to some extent.
I just think life might be much easier if we could let things be and stay put for a while.

I mean, aren't we supposed to be feeling like settling down about now?
Isn't 35 even a little behind schedule?
Shouldn't I be yearning to make pot roast and sudsing up cute babies in the sink?
Shouldn't we be buckling down for the long haul? For retirement and playing bridge?

Even so. Even knowing this and watching the last few of my friends blissfully settling down and starting families,
I, personally, can't stop daydreaming about other things.
Things that have nothing to do with the long haul or practicality.

For example,
This week I am obsessed with growing dreadlocks. Completely impractical, irrelevant and possibly detrimental to the long haul. So, of course, I can't stop thinking about it.
I have also been fantasizing about a sailboat I saw on the river last week and how I wish Mark would teach me to sail.
And today, it's all about how much fun it would be to take of those tiny cute little BMW convertibles on a road trip this summer and how my dreadlocks would be the perfect hairstyle for long road trips in tiny convertibles.

Mark's reasons for excessive relocation are simple and under-analyzed.
He just likes to move and switching jobs is exciting to him.
It's that simple.

I am looking forward to our new adventure in Paducah for these very reasons:
The need to go, and see, and do, and socialize will be necessary to survive in our new tiny town.
We will be close to St. Louis and Memphis, and most importantly, awesome Nashville.
There will be a lot to do, and go, and see from our new nest.
Adventures to be had and people to meet.
A new big old creaky house to decorate and paint and love back to life.
I almost get a high from overwhelming projects such as this.
(Which might explain why 5 of the 5 homes we have chosen to live in have been extreme fixer-uppers.)

I should definitely mention, at this point in my rambling, that I am quite sad to leave Louisville and our group of wonderful, funny, creative, loving, and hyper-social friends. But at the same time, I'm terribly excited to come back and share my stories with them.
Luckily, they all know we will again become restless, in matter of years and want to come back to live among the familiarity. For that they are wishing us well and promising to come visit.

A psychic at a health food store once told me that Mark and I were brother and sister in a past life and our family suffered from a great plague.
We were the sole caretakers of our sick family until finally, we died an untimely death from the same disease.
We died young and tired, together, the closest of friends with a deep connection.
She proclaimed to me, that this time around, in this life, our souls were reunited with the primary purpose of getting a second chance at having fun and being young and having less responsibility.
I remember her words exactly,
"This time, it's all about R&R, baby. Get out there and have some fun."
She didn't even know me, but I think she may be onto something.

I have had infinite conversations with friends over cocktails trying to dissect our behaviors about such things as my restlessness, and their love lives and the paths we choose. We have spent endless hours trying to dissect why we do the things we do.

Could it be I am the way I am because it's a cosmic thing, and just out of my control?
Could it be that it is as simple as that and no amount of analysis will come to any other conclusion?

I'm guessing it absolutley could be a cosmically innate restlessness that stems from the very core of my being.

I'm guessing it might just be a fact of my life, and I'm very lucky I like my life this way.

I guessing I'm extra dang lucky to have hooked up with Mark along the way...

I'm not-so-much guessing this cosmic bird might never change.


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